Copypasta

MY CAT IS TH EFUCKING MAN.
YOU WANT KNOW WHY?
IT'S MOTHER WAS A TABBY.
SHE FUCKED A FUCKING FERAL MAINE COON.
SO IMAGINE AN 18 POUND, MUSCULAR TABBY CAT. SAID TABBY LOVES THE FOLLOWING THINGS:
LAZERS, LAYING ON PEOPLE, AND FOOD. HE IS A GIANT LAP CAT.
WE LET HIM OUT ONE DAY. TURNS OUT HE LOVES KILLING SHIT, AND HATES NON-CATS BEING IN THE YARD.
HE KILLED 5 SQUIRRELS, AND LEFT THE BODIES LAYING AROUND. I ASSUME IT WAS A WARNING TO ANY OTHER TRESPASSERS.
A FEW MONTHS LATER, SOME GODDAMN DEER SHOWED UP. HE PROCEEDED TO ATTACK THREE DEER, AND COME AWAY UNHURT. THEY COUNTERATTACKED, BUT HE FELL BACK, DUG IN, AND ATTACKED AGAIN.
THE DEER EVENTUALLY LEFT.

I WOULD TAKE CAPS LOCK OFF, BUT I'M AFRAID HE'D TAKE THAT AS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND ATTACK.

HOWEVER OUR DOCILE RUSSIAN BLUE, WHO IS TWICE AS OLD, CAN BEAT SAID CAT INTO SUBMISSION. THIS PARTICULAR ANIMAL IS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING, AND WILL MEOW CONSTANTLY IF I LEAVE A FAUCET DRIPPING.

FUCKING CATS, HOW DO THEY WORK?