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I just switched from iPhone to Android and I find that Android devices are just too wide, too big for me. The iPhone was slim. Smoooooth. Shiny. I could place it upright on a chair and just sit on it.

But what of the Androids? They're ridiculously fat and require a concoction of KY Jelly and Preparation H to "work for me." They're so rough and unrefined -- they're the "lumberjack bears" of portable phones. Rough, I like. But I still have to go out and be able to sit down without wincing. The roughness of the operating system is fine, I'll deal with that...but please, please make something that fits in my ass! Work with me, ladies!