Copypasta

>Work at a liquor store
>Have display screens at the checkout so people can clearly see the prices, just like at the grocery store
>My screen is always flickering and shit
>Cheapest connector cable ever
>Constantly fiddling with it
>Vibrations
>A shelandwhale approaches
>Has bottle of cheap vodka
>Screen flickers
>Fix it, explain it's the cable
>Shelandwhale speaks
>"Sounds like you're good with computers. I could use help with mine at home." in what appears to be a sultry voice.
>Proceeds to deepthroat vodka bottle
>Fuck her on the rubber conveyor belt, pressing the button to move her back and forth so I don't have to thrust

TECHNOLOGY!

>Have girlfriend
>She is loose as a goose
>Have friend
>Says I'm lucky, would pay to fuck my GF
>Ask him how much
>100$
>Sure
>Tell my girlfriend
>They go upstairs to fuck
>Head to friends PC
>Swap our his 2x4 gig ram for some 2x1 gig ram I always carry around
>Fuckyeah.jpg

hot female classmate asks me for computer help

>brings her laptop to my dorm room
>windows is fucked over by a virus, fake programs and toolbars everywhere
>my years of experience installing gentoo >finally begin to pay off
>I start initiating the ritual
>cut my wrist and make a pentagram using the blood
>burn candles at each point of the star
>place the laptop in the centre
>at this point, the girl is furiously masturbating to the sight
>I boot up the computer and begin installing gentoo
>the room begins to shake as the floor cracks beneath the pentagram
>hellfire begins to shoot out of the laptop (powered by Nvidia) as I compile the kernel with all GCC optimizations enabled
>I grow horns and transform into the avatar of GNU/Satan
>I rip the girl's clothes off to expose her open source under her clothing DRM
>my huge, flaming, thorny dick penetrates her vagina
>she climaxes as the compilation completes
>I commit my GPL-licensed semen to her repository
>she accepts and produces my child with the soul of Richard Stallman, the harbinger of the year of the GNU/Linux desktop
>tfw I can now play muh free as in freedom eroges on Linux

>Friend has desktop
>Friend has cat
>Friend's desktop starts BSOD'ing consistently
>Figure it was cat hair, fan, overheat
>Get to friends house
>Hey anon, you start fixing the computer, I'll go get some chips and pop. What flavours you want?
>Head upstairs
>Begin dismanteling computer
>Pause
>Something is not right
>Look about
>Feel like I am being watched
>Keep working
>Fuck, why are these bolts stripped? Anon probably overclocked this shit
>Mangae to get it off
>Look inside
>Cat hair everywhere
>Scratch marks on compenents
>what the fuck
>Noise to the rear
>Turn around
>FUCKING SIAMESE CAT ATTACK
>Crash into computer
>Claws my face
>Pull it off
>Oh god my arms stop it
>Drop it
>Leave room
>Slam door
>friend comes home
>what happened anon
>Explain
>Dude, that's mitten's computer, he built it himself
>Mine is downstairs in the kitchen, I thought you'd like to work there better

Should've known after I saw the ricer mouse

>Know nothing of hyper threading
>Go to Best Buy
>Start asking questions
>Get referred to the geek squad
>Get told that isn't their expertise
>They give me an address
>Looks like fucking GPS coordinates
>Get told its a Land Location Number
>Go home, tell buddy
>He uses google maps and finds outit is a half hour out of town in the middle of nowhere
>I figure this is some Hills Have Eyes shit
>He says it ll be an adventure
>Go for a drive
>Arrive
>Generic Farm
>Farmer walks out of the house
>Grizzled older guy, like 50
>I begin, spaghetti everywhere
>Buddy is laughing, says we need info about hyperthreading.
>Farmer gives us a dead serious look
>Turns, beings walking away, waves at us to follow
>Heading towards large barn
>I am shitting my pants
>Friend is still giggling, albeit nervously
>Enter barn
>Sheep everywhere
>Some sort of automated loom in the corner
>Learn all about shearing sheep and harvesting wool

Had dinner with his wife and family, greatest day ever