Cross-dressing, Trapping

Hey everyone, I was wondering if I could get some advice

The situation as it stands:
I love to cross dress and my girlfriend likes to fuck me with a strap on. But she says her enjoyment comes more from making me happy. This is great but I'm not sure if that's totally the case. Some times when she has dommed me, she's had this real fire to her. Its amazing. Its like she's totally into it and would rape me if she could. But afterwards she says its a feeling disconnected from her and says it takes too much work to get into that mood.

How do I get her to recognise the fire inside? How do you fire up your partner?

Also she, like everyone enjoys feeling sexy. She says she feels sexiest when she's dressed womanly. The problem is when I'm dressed womanly, she feels less special and like she's now less wanted. Like there's only room for one of each role in her show. I try to make her feel wanted but she doesn't have the best self esteem.

What should I do?