Cross-dressing, Trapping

Anything involving sales or marketing is out. Employers want those kinds of people to be as normal and unremarkable-looking as possible. Even a food service job, might be difficult being trans unless you're in a really liberal place (college campus).
You need to learn a skill. Try something involving computers (since you don't need to talk with customers), the IT field is SOMEWHAT accepting of us. Either that, or move out to LA and join the entertainment industry. Or maybe try to get a job working with a LGBT organization. Or, here's an idea, be a telephone operator for something, like a credit card company or 911.
I've been where you're at. My best advice, in all seriousness, is to lay off the pot and alcohol for a year or so. It's a bitch, but the people out there who are doing the hiring are generally stuffy conservative normalfags. Mostly middle-aged males. They're very caught up with appearances, and they don't like us because we make people uncomfortable. They also don't like potheads. And if you think people can't tell you smoke pot, TRUST ME THEY CAN. Might as well change ONE of those two aspects of yourself, if you want a decent shot at a job.
Myself, I'm a programmer. I work on contract, and don't get a lot of money, but I work basically alone all day. But it's one of the easiest fields for us to get into, because companies don't want people like us dealing with the public.
Either that or just learn to be cool with daylighting as a man.You can keep long hair if it's tied back very plainly, although even then it brings points against you in interviews. Makeup is probably out, though.
Good luck.

To be honest it doesn't sound like you're really looking for a career, at least not yet. If you really, sincerely want to advance in the workplace then you're going to have to accept that as a transperson you're going to face more barriers and have to work harder than anyone else. If you want to make a go of it, you need to pack in the drink and the drugs, sort out your education (maybe go back to school, maybe train for a trade) and generally get your shit together.

If you're just looking to keep the wolf from the door, then you've got tons of options nowadays. There are myriad jobs in transcription and secretarial support, telesales, customer support, call handling and all sorts of other malarkey that can be done from home, usually without even a face-to-face interview. You could be a purple monster from outer space for all they care, as long as you get the job done.

As the previous poster stated, the IT industry is a good one to work in as folks tend to be a bit more tolerant of oddness as long as you get the job done. On the other hand, you'll need to knuckle down and get some serious skills under your belt; While there are a lot of good jobs out there for people with the right skills, there is also a glut of poorly-qualified IT staff out there chasing after too few bad jobs. The IT sector is pretty much unique in having a significant number of employers who will hire purely on the basis of merit, regardless of your employment history, formal qualifications or anything else.

The charitable sector is a good bet that is often overlooked - in many charitable and public-sector organisations, being GLBT is a significant advantage, at least when it comes to getting your foot in the door. Here in the UK a lot of such organisations have policies stating that they must offer an interview to all suitably qualified candidates belonging to a discriminated-against minority. If you can get involved in GLBT activism then there are really good prospects for you.

Whether you'd be comfortable being the 'token tranny' is your business, but there are a surprising number of quite conservative organisations who really need to pad out their ranks with queers and ethnics and cripples in order to deflect allegations of discrimination.

Your absolute best option by about a zillion miles is to start your own business. If you've got the resources and drive to do so then everything's gravy - you'll have to slog your bloody guts out, but eventually you get to make the rules.

Honestly though, it sounds like you need to sort your life out. Pack in the weed, cut back on the drinking, learn to love yourself a little.

Real food-service jobs are acception of anyone with skills. That is to say, cooks.

I don't care how someone looks if they talk like they know what they are doing, work efficiently, can motivate themselves, etc. (Also: can cook?)

TL;DR most people I know would hire a transitioning girl NP if they are good.

Remember though, this is strictly for real cooking jobs, not fast food and not franchised garbage. Learn to cook, walk in to a good restaurant in your city on a monday/tuesday, ask to speak with the chef if they are present, or find when they are. Don't leave a resume with peons. Talk to the chef.

This may not be what you want at all, but it's the advice I can give from the knowledge I have.

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accepting*