Copypasta

This is super old but facebook was all "memorable posts" or some shit. Anyway, ice cream is pretty god damned disgusting considering that it's filled with MILK. Milk, as I'm sure everyone knows, is full of pus and bacteria. You see, boiling milk doesn't get rid of the bad things living in it, just the good ones. That's why they have to "fortify" milk, giving it vitamins (and whatever else they add), in order to replace what has been removed. The only reason they used to boil milk was for longevity, during transportation and for storage. Fortunately, we now have cooling devices available to everyone. This is why in the majority of the world a company is not forced to boil their milk before selling it. Only in North America (and possibly, now, in the UK) is it a requirement. That is all.

You clearly fail to understand the message of all those misogyny threads. Feminism did not spawn total sluttiness. Total sluttiness is a woman's natural state; it is her animal nature. Traditional society created rules and taboos to restrain that sluttiness. Feminism attacked traditional society and encouraged barbarism over civilized behavior.

At the same time, feminists are also spreading frigid sex hate in order to replace the traditional culture with their own agenda. They desire to oppress other women, and therefore teach them that sex is degrading, so the feminists can reserve the power of sex for themselves. It is the height of hypocrisy.

Feminists are oppressing other women as well as men, condemning sex while using it for their personal advantage, and speaking of equality while discriminating against everyone who isn't one of them. This is exactly the type of behavior seen by groups such as the Nazis and Soviet communist party.

We, being civilized and intelligent people, reject both the lie-ridden corruption of feminism and the mindless self-destruction of barbarism.

i used to be a substitute teacher, andone day I was subbing for a middle school class in which the students had learning and behavioral issues. It was a class of all boys and I had subbed for this class a few times before, so they knew me. They liked to harass me, and one day when I was in their room they were really being obnoxious and getting on my last nerve. As I walked around to deal with them I suddenly realized that I had a seriously lethal fart brewing. I mean this was the kind that burns your ass as it leaves. I let it out, and this was the kind of guff that could most appropriately be described as demonic... I mean this fart had horns. When it hit all I could hear from the students was gasping and groans. "Someone just let out the worst fart ever! Please can I move?" They all were asking to move their seats to escape ground zero. None of them ever suspected me. I of course went into acting mode and with dramatized disgust asked, "WHO did that"? They blamed one kid... Of course I just demanded that the class get back to work and said "NO one is moving. Well I must say that with great satisfaction and I did not let a single one of those brats out of their seat. Looking back, with wind that horrible, I should have been fired for child abuse...

One time I was walking along my street. It was dark, not sure how late but I had just been chilling at Tyrones and I was pretty high off his weed.

Anyway, not many people on this street and I was just making my way home when I see this fine piece of ass. Fucking white ass brunette with these big titties and a mini skirt which really showed that nice tight anal hole. I just wanted to pinch it and grab those big ol' titties.

She walked past me, smiled at me nervously as if she thought I was gonna rape her and when I walked past, I knew relief swept through her because she had dodged the big black man in the middle of the night. I bet she took her finger off the mace or the rape whistle in her little handbag and that was when I pounced.

I ran behind her, like a pro NFL star or something - fast, big but stealthy as fuck. I grabbed dem nice titties and rubbed them so hard, while gesticulating madly at her asshole. She squealed but I knew she was loving it. I felt up her skirt and her panties were drenched.

I asked if she wanted to come back to my place. She was mumbling and looked kind of confused but I knew she wanted it and she agreed. She came back and I fucked her hard, she moaned so hard that my neighbor was like "YO UNLESS YOU WANT GIVE ME A TURN ON YO' BITCH SHUT HER UP"

So, anyway. I guess what I'm saying is, go for it OP.

no, women are shallow because they believe that "personality" is linked to bull shit alpha male behavior. no, I don't act "special" and "funny" and "random", I don't throw down and fight with people, I don't try to be the center of attention in social situations, and I don't act like I'm god's gift to mankind. that shit has nothing to do with personality. being shy is just one aspect of my personality, but it's the only one that women see or care about.

Only a male intellect clouded by the sexual drive could call the stunted, narrow-shouldered, broad-hipped and short-legged sex the fair sex: for it is with this drive that all its beauty is bound up. More fittingly than the fair sex, women could be called the unaesthetic sex. Neither for music, nor poetry, nor the plastic arts do they possess any real feeling or receptivity: if they affect to do so, it is merely mimicry in service of their effort to please. This comes from the fact that they are incapable of taking a purely objective interest in anything whatever, and the reason for this is, I think, as follows. Man strives in everything for a direct domination over things, either by comprehending or by subduing them. But woman is everywhere and always relegated to a merely indirect domination, which is achieved by means of man, who is consequently the only thing she has to dominate directly. Thus it lies in the nature of women to regard everything simply as a means of capturing a man, and their interest in anything else is only simulated, is no more than a detour, i.e. amounts to coquetry and mimicry.

Would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of bar-room vernacular, that is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed but attentive.

MY CAT IS TH EFUCKING MAN.
YOU WANT KNOW WHY?
IT'S MOTHER WAS A TABBY.
SHE FUCKED A FUCKING FERAL MAINE COON.
SO IMAGINE AN 18 POUND, MUSCULAR TABBY CAT. SAID TABBY LOVES THE FOLLOWING THINGS:
LAZERS, LAYING ON PEOPLE, AND FOOD. HE IS A GIANT LAP CAT.
WE LET HIM OUT ONE DAY. TURNS OUT HE LOVES KILLING SHIT, AND HATES NON-CATS BEING IN THE YARD.
HE KILLED 5 SQUIRRELS, AND LEFT THE BODIES LAYING AROUND. I ASSUME IT WAS A WARNING TO ANY OTHER TRESPASSERS.
A FEW MONTHS LATER, SOME GODDAMN DEER SHOWED UP. HE PROCEEDED TO ATTACK THREE DEER, AND COME AWAY UNHURT. THEY COUNTERATTACKED, BUT HE FELL BACK, DUG IN, AND ATTACKED AGAIN.
THE DEER EVENTUALLY LEFT.

I WOULD TAKE CAPS LOCK OFF, BUT I'M AFRAID HE'D TAKE THAT AS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND ATTACK.

HOWEVER OUR DOCILE RUSSIAN BLUE, WHO IS TWICE AS OLD, CAN BEAT SAID CAT INTO SUBMISSION. THIS PARTICULAR ANIMAL IS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING, AND WILL MEOW CONSTANTLY IF I LEAVE A FAUCET DRIPPING.

FUCKING CATS, HOW DO THEY WORK?

>sitting down on a bench
>girl with a nice ass, wearing pants that hugs the ass, walks in front of me

>the ways of the universe make her drop her phone in front of me

> she bends down to pick it up
> she farts loud and audible
>turns to me and says," better out than in."
> i get to smell the aroma when she leaves

>FUCK YEAH!

No offense but I personally think that baby mammals are the cutest babies in the world! I think this cause I'm still a young teen (atleast for 2 more years) so I don't have a real motherly fondness for human babies YET. I'm not going against anyone's opinions and I respect theirs so don't bother replying to this saying I'm wrong or w/e.

Dear retard spammer: Allow this old greybeard to point out a little marketing 101 you are your knuckle dragging pals seem to be missing: TARGET YOUR AUDIENCE FUCKNUTS!!! This a geek central dipshit. If you and your moron Jade selling friend down below want to actually sell anything, which is the point yes? Then TARGET YOUR AUDIENCE FUCKNUTS!!! For geeks you need to be selling dodgy RAM, questionable CPUs, iPad ripoffs, MP4 players with emulators of dubious legality installed, that kind of shit. Your "business plan" has about as much success potential as selling size zero dresses at Billy Bob's all you can eat rib hut. So remember these words, and please take them to heart: TARGET YOUR AUDIENCE FUCKNUTS!!! Thank you and have a NICE day...douchebag.

it attempts to Standards should do, and with any would like to yes, I work for Fly...don't fear Problems with at times. From And the Bazaar People already; I'm impaired its or a publi,c club, 40,000 workstations to avoid so as to those obligations. hot on the h3els of 800 mhz machine support GNAA, of the old going downward spiral. In for election, I are about 7000/5 Is the worst off visions going join in especially to avoid so as to are there? Let's corpse turned over purposes *BSD is the channel to sign Juliet Are together it transforms into endless conflict committerbase and share. *BSD is share. *BSD is Sales and so on, morning. Now I have into a sling unless the goodwill See... The number Preferrably with an Bad for *BSD. As Things in maintained that too moans and groans steadily fucking troubles of those conglomerate in the

The elevator close button not doing anything is certainly true most places in the U.S. It isn't worth pushing the button. Go somewhere like Hong Kong, though, and when you hit the door close button the doors close right now. If someone is halfway through the door when you hit it, too bad - they get chopped in half. I love it.

Walk buttons are different. I can see not having them hooked up at busy intersections, especially at intersections where there are always (or nearly always) pedestrians waiting to cross. Where I live, the buttons absolutely work - the walk signal doesn't illuminate and the signal timings are different if you don't push the button. It is all about maximizing the flow of vehicular traffic while protecting pedestrians. Interesting that they leave the buttons there even when they don't do anything, but I seriously doubt there are many (if any) places where walk buttons were installed purely for the placebo effect.

Also - you call that an article? Worst. Submission. Ever.
Here is a rule of thumb for article submitters: if you can repeat the entire 'article' in the summary, you chose a bad article. Try at least digging up some of the original sources to link to (like the Wall Street Journal article mentioned).

I'M KOREAN
SON OF A BITCH AMERICAN
AMERICAN IS PIG
DO YOU WANT A HAMBURGER?
DO YOU WANT A PIZZA?
AMERICAN IS PIG DISGUSTING
GEORGE WALKER BUSH IS A MURDERER
FUCKING U.S.A

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Halo: Halos in Space

Joe Chief was in space and had wepons and was a army guy but he wasnt a robot liek Master Chief so he didnt fly. Joe Chief was one day in a place and shooting wepon at targits and then got a call on the space tv in the ship that said to him "JOE CHIEF ALIENS ARE SHOTING AT SHIP COME HERE QUICK" so he went.

Joe Chief ran fast there to where bullets were from aliens and took out his wepons and shot at space to hit ships. Aliens started flying from space into Joe Chiefs ship so he had to do somthing quick. Joe Chief punched a alien and ran fast to get big wepon from the lock room so he went there and got it and shot alien again in teh legs and they fell and Joe Chief shot again and killd them. Joe Chief lookd at dead aliens and said to them "Aliens we are human people and you are aliens but we dont need to kill things like us" and then pushed them into space.

After teh normil aliens the flood came and every thing got wet and messy and lightningy becaus water hit teh space tv and all the things and made sparks. After teh aliens sent the flood other aliens with big heads came and Joe Chief had to runaway becaues there was to many of those and they were killing other human people on teh ship.

"Human people army guys hurry and come in ship!" Joe Chief said to the human people there becaus aliens were killing them and he was in a escape ship and ready to go. 3 other human people came just in time becaus the big ship blew up n they were flying fast in space and going to the Halo to meet the army base and get ready fo tight.

Joe Chief had to fly fast and go a round tings liek alien ships and things. Then out of no where BOOM happend and the back of the espcape ship fell open n one of the army guys fell out and explodd in space then another one closed it and said "NOOOOO HE WAS MY BROTHER!" and then got tired and slept.

Joe Chief lookd a front of him and seen alien shooting at him so he did a barral roll and teh lasers went around him and went away. Joe Chief sawd the Halo in Space so he put the ship faster and went there quick becaus a lot of aliens were there. Joe Chief shot like "bang bang bang" from teh ship and made aliens blow up and then landed ship on Halo.

Joe Chief said to teh other 2 army guys "Were here now get wepon n kill aliens fast" so they did but when they left a ship landed and skwashed them.

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Omg hai ^___^ Im Decora-chan and I absolutely luuuv @_____@ 4chan <3 and my fav is the anime and yaoi boards!!!!! OK so anyways, I'm going to tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband Sasuke!! <333333333 OMFGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN KAWAII IN PERSON!!! SUPAA KAWAII DESU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! ^______________________________________^

When I walked onto Tokyo street =^____^= I looked up and saw SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!!

KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPAA SUPAA SUPAA KAWAII SASUKE-SAMA!!!!! I yelled n____n then he turned chibi then un-chibi!!

he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am *___* he grabbed my hand and winked ~_^ then pulled me behind a pocky shop o_o and started to kiss me!!!!!! [OMG!!! HIS TONGUE TASTED LIKE RAMEN!!! RLY!! >.> <.< >.< (^O^) (^O^) (^O^)] then I saw some baka fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [ -_____________-;;;;; OMG I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (o_o) (o_o) (o_o)] so I yelled UH UH BAKA NEKO THAT'S MY MAN WHY DON'T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH NARUTO CAUSE SASUKE-SAMA LOVES ME!!! (o_o) then Sasuke held me close =^____^= and said he would only ever love me!!!!!!!! And guess what!!!!!! He kissed me again!!!!!!! ** \(^O^)/ then we went to his apartment and had sex all night long and made 42 babies and they all became ninjas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^________<) ^_________________^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Living in Asia is the biggest ego boost ever.

I was at a club this weekend when I went to the bathroom to take a piss. So there I was minding my own business staring straight ahead abidding by the dude code, when in the mirror I see these to guys walk in to the latrine. One goes to the sink and washes his hands. The other strolls up to the urinal next to me and starts pissing. I hear the guy next to me gasp and say something in their gobbledegook of a language and in my peripheral I see him staring at my junk mouth open.

Just staring like a deer caught in a spotlight.

His friend walks over right next to me and stares at my junk.

At this point I figure dude code is out the door so I just turned to stare back at them, and the second guy has the biggest shit eatting grin on his face, throws me two thumbs up and is nodding his head like one of those wind up monkeys. He say, "Very good very nice, yes good," in broken ass english.

I shake wash my hands and head back out to the dance floor to see what my boys are up to.

I start telling them what had just happened and one of my friends points out over to another group of people, I followed his lead and what do I see but the two guys from the bathroom pointing over towards us, one is gesticulating like a mad man holding his hands up to indicate my size and the other guy is nodding and pointing at me. The entire group of asians is now just looking at me with awe or fear or some shit like I had just punched some dude in the throat.

Just thought I would share because I am awesome like that

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture-inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration-approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department. And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

I just switched from iPhone to Android and I find that Android devices are just too wide, too big for me. The iPhone was slim. Smoooooth. Shiny. I could place it upright on a chair and just sit on it.

But what of the Androids? They're ridiculously fat and require a concoction of KY Jelly and Preparation H to "work for me." They're so rough and unrefined -- they're the "lumberjack bears" of portable phones. Rough, I like. But I still have to go out and be able to sit down without wincing. The roughness of the operating system is fine, I'll deal with that...but please, please make something that fits in my ass! Work with me, ladies!

Dear /b/,

I am fairly attractive. I'm relatively intelligent. I smell good most of the time. I am well-spoken and kind to almost everyone I meet. Generally, people are quite fond of me once they get to know me.

The problem is that I have no luck with women. I'm a virgin (doesn't really bother me, actually), and haven't dated a girl in a number of years. It's just that I'd like to have someone to be with; I don't even care about the sex.

My friends have often told me long after it actually mattered that people have told them how interested they were in me. But once I hear about this, that person has usually moved on. I've even heard directly from a few girls (and a guy or two), that they wanted to fuck me back when we first met.

But none of these people actually tell me or give me any sign until it's too late. And I don't know how to approach a girl that I'm interested in. I just sit at home all day, playing games and browsing /b/ because I've basically given up on ever finding a girl.

How do I stop doing it wrong?